5 Stages of Sensate Focus and Why You Should Try it!
By Guest Contributor, Justin Paulsen
Ever wondered how to turn up the sizzle and take your relationship to the next level? Buckle up, because we're about to dive into something that will light that romantic fire like never before! Picture this: a journey of touch, connection, and pure excitement that doesn't involve complicated acrobatics or cheesy lines. It's called Sensate Focus, and it's the secret sauce to rekindling passion and building an unbreakable bond.
Sensate Focus – What is it?
This sensational practice, initially crafted by the pioneers of human sexuality, William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, throws out the rulebook on assumptions, pressures, and obligations, and instead, turns the spotlight onto something we all adore – touch!
Imagine carving out a time where you and your partner can revel in each other's touch without any strings attached. Step one: find that private oasis where interruptions are banned, and distractions are dismissed. Starting off au naturel or in your comfiest undies, the game begins. It's all about taking turns exploring each other's bodies for about 15 minutes at a time. But hold up – here's the twist. The name of the game isn't arousal, pleasure, or even relaxation – it's the touch itself, no strings attached.
Picture this: both of you are engrossed in the dance of sensation, tuning into your own personal touch experiences. It's like a sensory symphony where temperature, pressure, and texture take center stage, and all the noise in your head takes a backseat.
Sounds simple, right? Well, in practice, it's like navigating uncharted waters. The desire to please or dive headfirst into sexual escapades might tango with your intentions. That's why we're taking it one step at a time, introducing stages that you can dive into over weeks or maybe even longer, depending on what your dynamic duo needs.
Why People Love it!
Here's a sneak peek into why they found this practice to be an absolute game-changer:
• Say goodbye to performance stress. Sensate Focus creates a safe space to reduce sexual anxieties.
• Dive into the moment with mindfulness and embodiment, making intimacy a truly present experience.
• Rekindle the flames of desire and curiosity, giving your connection a passionate boost.
• Sensate Focus can be a healing path for managing sexual discomfort or pain.
The 5 Stages of Sensate Focus
Are you ready to add your own story to this growing chorus of intimacy enthusiasts? If so, hop on board as we unveil the tantalizing five steps of Sensate Focus!
Stage 1: Non-Genital Touching - Let’s unveil the Sensational Terrain!
First up, we're diving into non-genital touching – the alluring teaser that lays the foundation. No, we're not giving a free pass to the breasts, penises, or other steamy spots. Instead, it's all about using those nimble fingertips to gently traverse the landscape of your partner's body. Equal attention to all zones is the name of the game here, and oh, the discoveries you'll make!
Stage 2: Whole Body Touching – Time to embrace the Whole Canvas.
Stage two amps up the game, inviting you to expand your touch repertoire to encompass the entire body. But hold your horses – explicit sexual touching? Not on the menu. The goal is to keep the exploration alive and kicking, leaving the fireworks for later. While some arousal might make an appearance, remember, it's all about the sensations, not the destination.
Stage 3: Sensory Arousal – On to the Sensory Symphony.
By now, you're a Sensate Focus virtuoso, and it's time to introduce new instruments to your sensual orchestra. Think lubricants, lotions, and other sensory enhancers. These delightful additions crank up the sensations, painting a masterpiece of touch that keeps both of you eagerly tuned in.
Stage 4: Mutual Touching – Harmonizing together!
Feeling the rhythm of the previous stages? Now's the moment to sync up and compose a duet. As you continue to avoid the overtly sexual territory, you can explore touching with lips, tongues, and more. It's a symphony of connection that resonates through every caress. After spending some time in Stages 1-3, you can both begin to touch each other. You can also start touching with things other than hands (i.e. lips or tongues) still avoiding any overtly sexual touching, kissing, or intercourse.
Stage 5: Sensual Intercourse – The Crescendo
Here it is, the stage that promises to be the ultimate crescendo – but remember, this is about the sensual, not the sexual. Building on the foundation you've crafted, sensual intercourse enters the spotlight. When ready, genital penetration can occur - soft, gentle movements and a focus on exploration keep the flames of intimacy burning bright.
So there you have it, the thrilling five stages of Sensate Focus that promise to light up your connection like never before. Get ready to journey from tender exploration to an electrifying crescendo – a love story told through the language of touch!
Where to begin?
Ready to dive into the world of Sensate Focus and spice up your connection? This sensational practice isn't just a hidden gem; it's a widely embraced therapy approach that therapists weave into their toolkits. Whether you're teaming up with a partner or embarking on a solo journey (yes, there's a self-love twist too!), there's no need to go it alone. Consider enlisting the expertise of a skilled sex therapist, or chat with the one you're already partnering with. They can be your guides through this exciting expedition, ensuring you navigate the realms of Sensate Focus with confidence and curiosity. So, gear up to elevate your intimacy and step into a world where touch reigns supreme!
You can check out Justin's practice at westlandtherapy.com.